Entschädigungen? Warnung! – nicht alles glauben

Die neueste – gefährliche – Verlockung sind Berater und Websites, die mit beachtlicher Nonchalance die Hoffnung schüren, dass es Entschädigungen nach dem Infektionsschutzgesetz gibt für die Betriebsschließungen und Untersagungen durch die Allgemeinverfügungen.

Das ist Rattenfängerei. Sonst nichts.

Das kühne Weglassen von Tatbestandsvoraussetzungen in irgendwelchen Social-Media-Verlautbarungen ist das Heischen um Aufmerksamkeit in Zeiten von Überforderung auf dem Rücken derer, die händeringend um Hilfe suchen. „Entschädigungen? Warnung! – nicht alles glauben“ weiterlesen

Corona oder „Liebe Angst, wo hast Du die Freiheit versteckt?“

Bundesliga? Findet nicht statt.
Großveranstaltungen? Finden nicht statt.
Asiatische Freundin? Wird in Berlin „Hau ab Du Sau“ angebellt.
Händewaschen? Vor dem Essen und, seit ich 3 Jahre alt bin.
Den Uropa nicht im Altenheim und den Opa nicht im Krankenhause besuchen, wenn ich erkältet bin und das, seit ich 3 Jahre alt bin.
Der Untergang der freiheitlichen Grundordnung wird besungen, wenn einer die Wahlen gewinnt mit dem Versprechen, eine Mauer zu bauen – schon ein bisschen her.
Letztes Jahr gab es 25.000 Grippetote, wieviele Presseartikel darüber?

Disclaimer: Ich stelle nicht in Abrede, dass es das Corona Virus gibt. Ich stelle nicht in Abrede, dass das Corona Virus tödlich sein kann. Ich stelle nicht in Abrede, dass es hochinfektiös ist.

Ich stelle hingegen in Abrede, dass das, was mit dem Corona Virus an medialer und politischer Flut ausgelöst wird angemessen ist. „Corona oder „Liebe Angst, wo hast Du die Freiheit versteckt?““ weiterlesen

Want to get where you want to be? Work on your No…

You know this? You are happy and energized, excited about a clue you found, a plan you started to unfold. You talk with your best friend and 2 minutes later you are an empty can of human being. Unsure, self-ashamed, in doubt.

Well, here is the trick:

There is but one ability which can not be reimbursed.

It is your daringness to say No.

You can read books, listen to podcasts, enjoy audiobooks, mindmap your projects and communicate top-notch.

All of these activities do not cut any mile to your WWW until you push yourself daring a strong, loud and clearly put NO.

Advising people as a lawyer in countless situations this is the clue how I get them to adapt any situation thrown at them endangering happiness, success, freedom. Be it at court, on the negotiation table, in a personal crises or within the family.

Truth be said: Getting this part done sucks. It makes me scream, sweat and whisper. It takes all of my communicative skills. This accomplished I am proud and, most important, impressed how focussed and confident my client became (compared to the picture of misery I got a call from). The rest of the trail? A peace of cake.

Since I follow these scheme successfully for 20 years, I feel it worth sharing, because it proofed itself steadily.

Right, let´s get started:

Where do you want to be – this is about your Who, your What and (only then!) your Where.

Your Who – who to you want to be?

Look in the mirror. Is this the person you want to meet? To be? What are you missing?

Now you may find some aspects of your very inner attitudes to be polished, developed, established even.

But: Find your NO is the first step!

Stay with me. Who would need to adapt if you change towards being the person you go joyfully ballistic about? All the people knowing you the way you are now! Ouch.

But they say… these are naive buts.

Why for crying out loud would they support you by giving the best advise for your way and cause themselves trouble? Imagine, your are doing what is good for you. They then may be in the need to convince you they are worth your while.

«Ah come on, you are always acting so serious/grown-up»

«You forget about…»

My BSD goes off like a siren.

If you let these questions sink in, you will not stay course. These pieces of advise poison your mental resolve to change. As soon as you open the doors for this poison, you are getting more and more paralyzed. Your remorse grows. The will to change fades and finally: change dies and you earn another scar on your soul for a nonstarter. All of this because you – yes you – did not stop the poison.

Now, stop it! Saying NO is quite doable, not arrogant or patronizing. It is not a rebuke, it is selfdefense.

Let me ask you this:

What is more important to you: Becoming the person who reaches the goals dreamed of or being everybody’s schnook, uuh darling?

If a naysayer feels embarrassed by your NO defending your change of course towards your (not his) goals – he may. You may stay tuned. Fair enough, is it not?

For example, «No, pal, I’d rather do it my way.»

«No, thanks mate, your advice is duly noted.» «It seems to me you want me to be what you think serves your own situation best, you are not in for me myself.» push back the impact. And at the same time you tell yourself, you are doing the right thing, you are smart, you are tough.

Your What – What drives you? What makes you laugh?

«How dare you! You for all people. Happy? Successful?» «You of all people! Entrepreneur. Look, I get it. But think of…»

Do you get the negative vibes of all this naysayer-bullshit?

How many times your answer starts «Ah no, you don’t get it. Believe me,…», «Why you don’t just believe in me…» or alike.

Despite of all this, you struggle to push your project to the next level.

Spare your breath. Just show them the finger. Give them your NO.

This NO kills two birds with one stone. Most important, you avoid your unshakable believe how great it will be to accomplish your goal being being deflated by the stings of these … ok, friends. For now, ok? Then of course, this NO gives you a terrific N ext O pportunity to meet

Your Where – Where is your place you want live? Where is your professionell field of engagement?

«Uuuh I’d think about that.» «Don’t you think anybody would already do it if it would be successfull?» Chew on this bugger-wishes. These are no wishes, no advice. These are statements of envy people, cowardly walking their circles, never looking for new inputs, other thoughts.

Point taken?

NO? Yes – «NO» is self-defense

As you may already assume, I connote a NO with self-protection against wasting time, fighting Oooohs and Ifs (the buts? Of course!). Yes, a NO is pushing back. It´s like pushing a intruders out of your heart (afterwards close the door, for now at least).

Yes, a NO is quite aggressive. And I am convinced an NO is defensive – and defensive actions without the preparedness to act aggressive is? Pointless.

Ready, not blunt

Every friend and any other person I am socially interacting with has the right to offer his thoughts and opinions. And you and me, on the receiving end of such messages are entitled to guide these very words in the waste basket. The one written ‹Does not support my well beings on it.›

Still, NO need to push back any not welcomed tips and suggestions.

If you are feeling competent to defend your enthusiasm smooth and dynamic, this is. Otherwise I’d rather shoot a NO – better safe than sorry.

Be nice and well educated. Give it a try – for once! For example: «Thanks for your point, I’ll consider it.» No need to tell you’re already opening the waste basket.

Before it sucks you better drop? A NO

A guy in the subway is stumbling towards you – make him 190 pounds. Troubles bouncing your way… Would you accept your fate or push him aside?

Now, why don’t we push away painful words? To avoid infection? I don’t get the reasons, also I now quite some of the reasonings.

«You don’t talk like this to friends.» «She is of no means.» «He wants to care.» «He wants to support.»

You know these sentences, do you not?

Now let me switch the perspective: Our friends can talk any shitload and we clean their mess in our hearts, if it comes to our dreams? «She is of no means» so we are not entitled to avoid hurts? «He wants to support» so he may fail trying and I fail in the wake of his dumbness – come on!

You and me, being the ones defending their focus, their track for the goal – we are the only ones who can successfully defend our dreams and objectives. Only ourselves are to blame if anybody (missus, husband, mummy, daddy, girlfriend, teacher – you name it) tries to make us stop.

‹Deliberate› does not come into the equation

If I am asleep and I curl myself on my side of the bed, hitting my beloved, I do not act deliberate – still I may have hurt her. She will push back or shout alright.

There is but one instance you should decide whether you start your NO-sourveillance-routine (does it get better making a NSR out of this?): your feelings.

  • It starts bothering you? That´s a start.
  • It hurts? Thats a distress call!
  • It´s a offense of your brightness? F* them.

I observe a great relieve in the faces of people I am coaching on their NO asking them to distinctly distinguish the result (the receiver is hurt) and whether said deliberately to hurt(did my friend deliberately wanted to hurt me?).

Don’t be a fool: You are not befriended with persons deliberately causing you pain. It is not a judgement of verbal assault to drop a NO at any point of a dialogue. It is just self defense. You are not acting accusing by saying NO, because stopping your hurts is not accusing anybody to hurt you deliberately. It is just self-defense.

99 out of 100 I put my money on the hypothesis these naysayers, deeply caring friends and family members are following so called scripts, written by their subconsciousness. Isn’t that great: You can say NO and this is no verdict. You can even state this: «I feel patronized and I appreciate your respect for this. I truly believe you did not intend to make me feel this way. Let´s change subjects, will we?»

They may even be deeply sorry, if you tell them about their talk – very, very, very much later. You do not take a frying pan from the hot plate believing it is immediately cooled, right? So wait – talk about something else. Relax. And during your next couple of drinks at a bar or while lunch: if it fits – talk about it.

Daring your NO can – seriously – stop a cascade of misunderstandings. I think an early NO is a win win for both your dreams and your relationship clouded by mislead statements.

So remember:

„Half of the troubles of this life can be traced to saying yes too quickly and not saying no soon enough.” Josh Billings

Mirror Mirror on the wall…

Let´s get down to the tough part.

I confess freely that I myself am the toughest nut to crack talking about my own matters.

My inner scripts give me hell of a headache from time to time. Talking about scripts I refer to the insights the Transactional Analysis can offer. It is worth doing some research on it.

My parents, buddies or my lady can ruin my mood – for half a day max. My scripts? If they go ballistic? My focus and persistence are minced – big time.

The good news is: this can be avoided.

Thus: Look in the mirror. If you see or feel only a blink of doubt in your eyes say NO. Do not let yourself down. Say NO. You self-defense your tomorrow, your ability to strive, to laugh and to accomplish your goals and even dreams. Saying NO to your doubts is literally allowing yourself the N ext O pportunity.

How is this?

All our self-doubts, the emotional warnings are a summary of our experiences. Where did they grow? In our past. Our past did start with our Childhood. And all this sums up. We were being programmed by our ants, your parents, our teachers, the society you grew up in – you name it.

Did we ask for this: NO! Could we avoid it? NO. Do we have to follow these pieces of advise and alleged truths? NO!!! Good news is it not?

There is a inner 2nd me – looking me into the eyes and trying to force me to take course along all the warnings given into my rucksack in the past by people I did not ask to put them in.

I say, even scream NO and this? Sets me free.

You can do the same. Mirror mirror on the wall? Well F* you, listen carefully: NO, I do not stop chasing my goal because of my past.

Put all your might in it. It is the strongest, most persevering opponent on your track towards your objectives and dreams.

Fighting your past is overcoming your fears. Saying NO to this inner voice is saying yes to the person you are. Saying NO to self-doubt is empowering yourself to succeed.

Some figures

Your brave NO spares you approximately 5 min of nonsense-disputes. How things said were being meant and so on and so on and the like chit chat BS. Lets say this happens only 3 times a week, it spares you 60 minutes a month. Now add about 2 beers for your frustration plus 20 minutes it takes to overcome this clusterfuck of emotions you did not ask for – lets make them 2 times a week. That sums up to 160 minutes. Summary? 220 minutes a month you can invest in cutting miles towards where you want to be.

Now: Get your smartphone, start a timer of 3 hours an 40 minutes, lock yourself down and work on your piece.

Isn’t that a ROI for saying NO only 3 times a week?

Thanks for reading – enjoy life, kick ass and have fun! Your pal Frank

Trying to optimize your day? Read this one first!

Not a Medium member already I think you should look into this community. You can find some inspiring thoughts.

One I want to highlight is the short article of PhD Deb Knobelman – she laserpoints to the one very first step, many of us sheepishly miss while optimizing our routines.


Give it a try – I think it is worth your while.

Enjoy life – kick ass and stay tuned – Frank

Why we should dare a proper look

This one is important to me and after trimming it for the 10th time it maybe needs to be just as long an article as it became.

Looking at my career as a father, listening to the echos of my work as attorney and coach and finally getting upset while listening to parents-talk in Cafes by chance I deem one challenge paramount: at least while parenting our toddlers, teens and twens we need to restart daring reality!

We should dare to look.

We should dare to tell..

We should stop guessing .

We should not not avoid others experiences by cowardly warnings. Instead we shoul console the ones who failed after trying.

The outcome may be worth it.

The adults may recognise what a brave, strong and exceptionnel child they are happy to be with. It may also give them insight about themself, their obstacles resulting in mislead conditionings in their childhood. This may give them peace, makes you relax. It may spare them worries. They can have fun and laughter instead. With their peers, kids and themself.

The youngsters may grow stronger by trusting their instincts, following their gut-feeling and go for what makes them smile rather than think of all the BS the naysayers warn about. Or be demotivated by the only-your-best-cheaters telling them who to become while being all too cowardish to even try for once themselves.

Confessions first

I am the antidote of a perfect father. This article’s shouts come from the heart of a struggling father, as experienced in real life as underperfoming for years on behalf of lovingly caring.

There were days, I felt like shit if it came to emphasizing me being the father of my beloved daughter. I did many things wrong. I confess this.

All this was connected to being divorced, kept out of the loop, not knowing how to overcome childish accusations and the bitterness of not being loved myself.

For this, I did my best and still do, to honestly ask for forgiveness by my daughter – 21 in age, going her way -, big time.

That said, there is another part, I am proud of, looking at her way, my life und our sweetheart-daddy-relationship: preparing her for the big game awaiting her being of full age.

That said let´s have a closer look on reality, responsibility – let´s dare it.

Times do not change, it´s the people’s attitudes changing

Believe me, if I tell you: As a lawyer you only can succeed if your client gets his act together.

When I became a lawyer in 1998 my leverage was knowledge, my USP was a stubborn-fighter-attitude to dare anything what may bring success. I told my clients what will happen and what they need to do, how to support me. The majority delivered – committed, encouraged.

Today doing it the same way today would be the recipe for desaster. Today I have to give prep-talks to my adult clients, coach them about taking responsibility, accepting uncertainty and – increasingly – explain them how communicate during periods of crises and day-to-day conflicts. Otherwise any attempt to win their case would be a non-starter.

This increasing lack of adult behavior, decreasing competence to adapt and overcome everyday´s life, avoiding individual responsibility and anxiety of tomorrow may be as it is. Until it endangers the prosperity of other, this is. The younger ones out there in particular.

Rejecting responsibility is violation of the parental contract you signed by having a baby

I read a quote once: The most important thing you are to do for your kids is to prepare them living a life without you.

Now, what makes me deeply angry at the same time is, how so many of the upmentioned people are overprotecting and patronizing their kids. Being a naysayer, giving warnings of flatly everything is not taking on responsibility – it is rejecting responsibility.

For me, it is cowardish and highly irresponsible to copy-paste one own fears and dreams and hobbies and values and some more shitload of unseen patterns on the shoulders and in the rucksack of kids and young adults.

I think it is selfish to transform one own fears into a matter-of-fact reality and make others, children in particular, believe this is the way the cookie crumbles. Thats education by lying, pure and simple. This is disgusting.

I was the criminal defense attorney of a 15year old, accused for assault. She wanted to fight it and by this also against the perpetrator she acted against in self-defense. She was so proud of being the one standing against this little a* * hole bringing terror to the classroom. A strong, young lady you may acknowledge her quite easily. Being not the parents, this is. The mother told me she herself does not want to have trouble with no end due to the conflicts in the class of the young lady. Only when I fought her attitude the daughter was able to exploit the dialogue. How bad she is feeling not to be supported to fight. To fight back. To be brave not a coward. When the police interrogator encouraged the brave young lady to not stand back, to not accept injustice and offenses, this external empowerment brought down the parental wall of refusal.

Some young pal, 20 years old, was loosing the grip on his schooling. His employer invited him and his parents to talk about support how to get him back on track again. Being 20 years old, the young man can vote, rent an apartment, meet any lady he likes, make a life of his own. But not if you have the doubtful experience of his mummy. Nobody should dare put any obstacles in the way of her son almighty. She picks up any fight for him. Neither herself nor the young man having the questionable luck being protected like a 5year old are aware that a theft is committed: The mothers steals the fight from her son. She picks it up so he can’t. The sentence? A guy who gets no chance to realize that it was only at home, that forgiveness, unconditioned love and no-matter-what-you-are-ok are granted.

Lately I came to overhear two mothers. Their sweethearts seemed to be 12 years old, secondary-school. You know it by now: The world is such a rough place. Without these mothers, their childs could not survive. Being so sophisticated and weak, an artist to be, mummy 1 has to intervene with the teachers he is absolutely not to play rough during the pause. Oh and mummy 2 – her son seemed to be a struggling with any food available in Germany, being in danger of any flew-bacteria targeting only him. Exec-sum: no mummies, no survive. Happily, I had not eaten – I may have thrown up.

I put it straight with a father some years ago. He was selfish enough to make it paramount he is the one and only instance for proper education-concepts and the like. Until I told him nature has the back of his nagger and grants the prospect of a happy life. Even in the unlike event, his father is out of the game by car accident or similar unpleasant ways to pass by, this is. Funny enough my insolence freed him to get his grip and find a affordable agreement with his ex-wife. Because I crashed his fear, covered up behind his overprotectiveness.

These are only some stories – I could continue for quite a length of words.

Maybe we want to recalibrate our attitudes

Since I am working with parents and youngsters in 1996 I only met 1 oder 2 Toddlers sitting at my desk: The parents.

All the young people were growing up, fighting with their emotions, struggling with their dreams and goals I met were heroes, brave girls and guys. Sure thing is, they were short of experience – at an age of 16 I acknowledge this as expectable.

What upsets me is the lack of

  • preparedness
  • willingness and
  • competence

of so many parents to get their act together and prepare their kids for the reality out there. I am a strong believer that life is great.

What testimony is it of a caring mother learning her 15year old son started having sex with a girl he loves and got a knife to protect her – still lacking any knowledge how to fight only if the lawyer talks with her son in front of her? Begging for excuse of him after he confronts her that she only tells him what but never asks how he feels, whether he is well?

What kind of accomplishment of parental responsibility is it if a mother convinces the father to not take any actions against a perpetrator abusing her 4 year old boy with oral sex to avoid the glance of the neighbors?

What example a father are you really only chewing on the unfairness of life and claiming ifs and buts but never, ever stand up and fight for your own freedom, your rights, the bigger piece of the cake for your family? Yelling at the same time what a looser his own son is, only playing amateur football being 16?

Point taken, right?

Here they are: Great examples what daring makes of your kids

I am truly convinced one can only appreciate fun and success knowing and accepting life sucks as well.

Dare to tell the youngsters what life is about. That is the first and most valued insurance policy we, the elder, can provide them. For any unlikely event like loosing your job, feel jealous, experiencing betrayal, be afraid to ask for a job oder simple to try reach an objective.

I count myself a lucky guy having experienced first hand through my job, how great an enhancement of bravery and happiness parental support as in unshakeable believe, daring the truth and – for crying out loud – most of all accepting reality can have.

A mother lost her son to the father – he brainwashed the son for 4 f* years. Often the mother cried, called me, we fought at court, via private letters and she was so angry, so exhausted, so helpless. She kept going, believing her son will come back for her. It gives me a deep humble gratefullness I could support her. When out of the blue I received a text ‚My sons at my apartment‘. He fleed the fathers emotional prison 2 days being of full age. He explained, that he faught for his mummy and his sister, he knew only he could take his fathers psychopatic hatred. He felt like his mother took care of his sister and he took care of his family. Quite a guy, is he not?

Another young fellow was taking to prison at the age of 16 – a SWAT Team „came by“, took him at 6am, left the parents quite shaking. The parents did not recognize a thing. The police followed him for 2 years. Meaning the parents did not recognize their sons misbehavings for 24 months times 30 days times 24 = 17280 hours. Whereas it took the police to make a case about 180 hours in total (for a dealer comraderie of 3 teenage idiots dealing joints).

Now: The guy was rattled and shocked. Thus he had but one goal: Never, ever is this to happen again. He was willing to do whatever deemed best for him. Guess what? The parents accused the police, our laws and god the almighty. They were crying at my desk I should get him the out of jail card by any costs. And they assured me from now on they would take care of him.

Me being a professionell and a police detective being a professionell as well aimed for a concept what could work out for the young fellow, not the reflections in the mirror of his parents. We identified a withdrawal place for youngsters 600km away from home, no old friends, but social workers and the chance of distance.

The best part: Right before the big day at court the parents pushed it. Appointment. Big time. Father and mother giving their son the sweets. And this amazing guy said, he’d rather go to the withdrawal place for 6 month, puppet-dreams won’t help him change. He changed. Big time.

As a sailor once put it: Climbing the shrouts the only and best insurance is ones will to survive

Now, I think all of this marks my point: The kids, the young people, are not in danger if – excuse my french – shit happens. But they become weak and unsure if there is no one supporting their bravery, if the only narrative they are experiencing: watch this, take care of that – that´s bullshit and pals, nobody should listen.

That’s why I want to encourage all of us to have a proper look

1st at our younger folks, how strong, smart and powerful they are and how little of our fears and anxiety they should be poisend with

2nd at ourselves and what we make out of reality ignoring it completely by let our lack of capability misspell anything simply happening

3rd push us to dare to name what reality is all about. Fun, joy, beach, sports, sex and success as.well.as diseases, death, accidents, war and poverty.

Enjoy life – kick ass and stay tuned.