Recently I had a chat about a quite regular quarrel. The question, how detailed we should tell about ourselves.
I am convinced we should give our communications a pinch of mystery. Why? Because it causes curiosity. Curiosity leads to questions. Answers lead to further interest and so on.
Being digitalized-naked people we are more like the right lid on the can. We tell everybody what terrific ingredients we are made of.
Quite frankly I am not someone opening up freely. Still I had to learn I was the same rapid-talker as soon as I was asked something. So I learned to keep the lid on my saucepan. The outcome is amazing. Since I give people the choice to choose by simply giving shorter answers, I feel more settled.
Since then I emphasize this in my work and I feel it is worth sharing.
Watch out for «I am»-people
The attitude of these fellows is «look what I am made of – isn’t it this tasty?»
They pronounce to be self-aware, reflected, saving the oceans, empathic-co-workers, emancipated/supporting emancipation and so on.
Still they did not mention who put all this into the pot they show you. Was it a book, a seminar, a training, experience, gratefulness?
Communication is about authenticity. Communication is about self-worth. Self-assurdeness. Communication is so much more than the Like-Button.
Think of grandma’s – they defended the lid and earned compliments
I think is the left-sided lid of the can is right on the spot. It is what talking about ourselves should be like.
Remember. Our grandma’s simply started cooking, did they not? Everybody else was chatting, working, having fun. They did their job – caring for their family.
So they put in the ingredients, put the heat on. After a while the smell of this secretly boiling dish reached the living room.
Who would come to the kitchen? Curios people. «Uh this smells like tomato-soup.» «Ah not today. It will be a tomato stew.» «No way! Let me…» «Don’t you dare touching the lid!»
«Ok so tell me, what is this sweet oriental scent? Kummel?» «Not quite, it is cumin.» «Wow – how did you learn about it» and so on and so on.
Not to forget about the «Don’t you dare taking this lid of – you will wait for dinner, like everybody.»
The result? Grandma’s kept their secrets. Still they were respected. Because people admired their skills. They only shared them with the ones truly interested.
Keep the lid on your inner thoughts
Do not tell everybody everything on first sight like it would be if using the right-sided pan on the picture. You (in the meaning of the ingredients) still may be safe by a lid of glas – no one can touch or disorder it.
All the same true is, you will gain nothing if it comes to curiosity for what you are made of, your preciousness and the like.
Why? Because you can see all of through the lid.
What am I supposed to talk about if you already gave me the recipe you are made of?
Our Grandma’s took care of themself by not talking to anybody. I think this is a major lesson to be learned.
They did not show everybody that they went for the kitchen.
They did not tell everybody what is in the pan.
They simply did the work somebody had to do.
This is an extremely smart move, is it not?
They did not waste time.
They avoided getting sad because nobody is interested in the dish, their secrets.
Announcing and telling about the ingredients boundlessly causes the unavoidable state of expectation in ourselves.
Having finished explaining what we are made of we delivers the beginning of a wish. The wish someone is interested in us. So we wait, hope for the ongoing question, a compliment even.
In our gut the expectations anxiously whispers «Someone?» «No one?» «Really?» … sigh. Yeah – this makes all of us swallowing a bitter pill. Heavy sigh.
People not being curious about the ingredients you are made of? They won’t ask you about you. Period. They are not interested. They don’t have to – you are not interested in everybody’s personality-composition on an atomic level, too – are you?!?. Telling them everything will not change it.
But, and this is a big but, you wasted your time. And you self-inflicted you with frustration. You poisened yourself.
Think about this: While doing their work our Grandma’s could think about whatever they choose and if someone came around and was curios, they were charmed, respected and they had a good time.
So: Keep the lid on you. It is like a strainer.
Spare your time, your words and your awareness. It finally will make you getting into contact with people who are honestly interested in you, your recipes, your makings.
Have a great time, kick-ass and enjoy live, your pal Frank